Then, those women you list as models of feminine grace. Well, I was surprised you came up with such models, frankly, as they REALLY don’t support your case that women who behave with feminine grace make men adore them and treat them well. Rather the opposite, if you ask me!! I suppose you chose them because they share a poised, calm manner. You can’t have chosen them to demonstrate that their feminine grace brought them good treatment or happiness with men, that’s for sure! By the way – I now treat my husband with what you would call masculine energy and directness. I have made HIM seek help, and face the fact that he HE has to change, because treating people like dirt isn’t acceptable, even if you are a man. And guess what? I reckon that works 1000 times better!

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About alittle more than a year ago my beloved husband of 18 years, whom I trusted with all my heart and to whom I have dedicated my whole life to, came home to tell me that he had had an affair with a women at work. His father had died about the time the whole affair became not only mental but physical. I thought I was going to die right there on the spot. I felt my whole life falling apart and I was totally out of control!! I must say I was totally out of control!! My anger level had reached the max and I didn’t know what to do or who to turn to. I felt like I had failed in life to a certain extent. So I didn’t tell my family or friends for nearly 4 months. I was already seeing a psycologist for 6 months knowing that something was extrememly wrong but not knowing or understanding what exactly was happening! That was when I started reading many books about men, the way they think and how to get over an affair. I stumbled across Kara’s book “Men Made Easy” and I began to realize so many things. The first is what society has done to men by telling them from the time they are just small that they can’t cry, they have to be tough, stop feeling or acting like a sissy and so on. I could see just how difficult it was for my husband to understand not only his feelings but mine and also hers (his paramore). I started to realize that love demands respect and I hadn’t respected myself for years in our relationship. I lost 40 pounds due to the stress and went and got my nails done and started putting my make-up on every morning and just taking care of myself!! I realized that loving someone didn’t mean losing yourself but respecting yourself and being confident enough to put down your foot with, as Kara says, FEMININE GRACE. It worked and after working hard on myself with my psycologist and getting rid of my anger and finding a new me, I have finally been able to put into act some of the suggestions that Kata gives! But you have to want your relationship to work to be able to do this and I have to say at first I didn’t want it to work!!! I was tooooooo angry!! Now I know that my husband loves me and he is truely sorry for what he has done and I must say we are falling in love all over again! I can’t say we don’t have our days or that at times I find it difficult to focus on the future and not on the past but it’s true that relationships last when we make them speical, when we send a message, when we realize just how men work. At first it made me angry after reading several times just how the woman makes the difference in a relationship and how we set the pace and that it’s us who can change everything! But in the end I said, ” We are the lucky ones!!!” Let’s use it to the fullest to make life better!! Thank you Kara! You truly helped me in a very difficult time of my life! And finally I have found my feminine grace and although I lose it at times it definately has made a difference for me!!

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Actually, I have enough intelligence, self respect and self knowledge to survive reading your blogs. You see, I believe is is NOT a woman’s poor communication technique that results in a man’s evil behaviour! It is the man’s bad upbringing in a twisted, male oriented society that tells him he can behave how he likes, because women are just objects that are inferior to him!! Why should WOMEN be the ones to change, and spend all their time controlling and watching how they behave?? Where’s the video telling men to adopt ‘masculine grace’ to please the women in their lives?? Nowhere – because men are taught that they don’t NEED to behave well to women. If they behave badly, it’s the woman’s fault. And here you are, it seems, trying to make women believe that too.

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I appreciate that you are angry, Alis. But I suspect the anger is toward yourself for not seeing early on that your husband is not one of the good ones. I have NEVER said it’s the woman’s job to change and spoil a man. I teach women that they should never tolerate disrespect, they should use their intuition when getting involved with a man, and should use Feminine Grace in ALL interactions with EVERYONE, so when they walk away, they can hold their head high, knowing the person has no reason to think they are a bitch, or worse. What I teach is all about a woman being happy, with or without a man. I chose those women as examples of Feminine Grace because of how they are, not how the men in their lives are. We can never guarantee that a man will be of high caliber. But we can guarantee that we will behave in such a way that we are proud of how we handled each situation. I was married for 29 years. People cried when we got divorced because we were a model couple. Then, following the advice of his massage therapist, who had an open marriage, my husband started looking for someone to have an affair with. I eventually left the marriage…and it was the greatest gift of my life. Bitterness and anger does not allow us to grow from a difficult situation. Only an open heart and compassion toward ourselves and others, can give us the perspective that is required to grow into a better person, with greater capacity to be happy and to love. Bitterness and anger turn us into sour little balls of muck that cannot enjoy life with the abandon of childlike wonder. That, more than anything is what I strive to teach. Living life with a childlike wonder.

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Yeah, tried all that feminine grace stuff for the first 10 years of my marriage. That’s kind of my natural setting – lucky me. I was completely happy, worshipped my husband yet demanded his respect, stroked his ego as often as I stroked his hair, looked after myself and developed my abilities while always being sure to respect his, blah blah blah. Guess what?? Not enough – he was duping me and cheating on me from day one. So, I’m looking for ways to understand his bizarre behaviour, and I stumble across your pages. And it seems to me that your contribution to explaining his behaviour is that I wasn’t clever enough at behaving like a woman!! Well thank you. Nice to know it is all my fault – I’m just incapable of keeping a man happy. I’d better buy your book, like a good little wife, and learn my lessons quickly.

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